All your movements are explosive.
You squat ass to grass and everybody asks you "WHY".
Powerlifters ask why don't you use the "forearms crossed technique" on frontsquats.
If you do heavy squats and deadlifts powerlifters ask: why don't you use a belt?
When you do overhead-squats then suddenly everybody stops to glare at you and you see them practically count your reps.
You can clean a weight which 99% of gymgoers can't even deadlift.
You can frontsquat more than 99% of gymgoers can backsquat.
Powerlifters envy you for your shoulderflexibility.
You can jerk more than you benchpress.
Your benchpress is ridiculously weak.
You get done with a good workout and you've got bruises on your pelvis, thighs, or thumbs.
Power cages can be 'restrictive'.
You leave the ground with weights in your hands intentionally.
You hook grip beer mugs
You chalk up before helping friends move
In a joke picture of buddies flexing, they're showing off their arms, but you're raising your shorts to show off your legs
"Cleans" or "Squats" is the answer to EVERY question when someone asks you what exercise to do.
if someone asks you how to increase their bench you say "why?"
You're under 6 feet tall but can easily dunk a basketball...and you don't even like basketball.
anytime you see pvc pipe/broomstick/etc long enough you overhead squat with it
you stretch for no ******* reason
front squats solve EVERYTHING
you have palms like a lumber jack even if you live in the city
you stare blankly when someone asks what you can bench.
your mom thinks you have a tumor or some kind of swelling and realizes it's just your traps.
your jerk session requires chalk not lube
the ironmind catalog is like the Toys R Us "wish book" to you
you can pronounce eastern bloc names in a perfect accent
(70% x 3)3, (80% x 2)3, (85% x 1)3 -- and other crazy # variations schemes make perfect sense to you.
When the length of time that it takes to change your shoes, warm-up, tape-up, and chalk-up is the same amount of time that some people finish an entire crappy half-squat workout.
When you, not noticing it initially, shift gears in your car with a hook grip.
When you're one of the few who cleans BEFORE (s)he jerks
An entry in your training log looks like this:
120
-----3
2
Between sets you practice sweet ninja moves with your bo-staff
if while talking to someone about squatting and they tell you they dont even go parallel,"no way dude thats nuts i cant handle parallel", and you tell them you go atg and they just look at you funny
You're more flexible than your female friends who do yoga...
You dislike curls.
You chalk up before playing Tekken 4 on your old-ass PS2.
you spend your entire workout doing 3 or 4 movements
you get pissed when you GAIN weight, pushing you out of your weight class
you'd trade 10kg from your bench max to add 5kg onto your squat max
When you overhead squat over your bodyweight, the guys next to you stare
When you overhead squat far above your bodyweight, not only does everyone stare, they STOP
If you compete in olympic lifting meets, then you ARE an olympic weightlifter.
People talk about the bottom of a deadlift and mentally you correct them; "first pull".
You've ever had a problem with a bar that's 'too stiff'.
You have both decent squat poundages and a decent vertical no matter how much you weigh.
You think front squats are a great isolation exercise.
your constantly jumping on the scales to make sure your not gaining weight.
your clavicles have calluses and your neck looks like you survived a hanging
you actualy stretch befor and after every training session, sometimes you just go to the gym to stretch
you workout whats on the bar from the colour of the plates not how many there are.
someone waving a flag in your face as you lift does not piss you off, unless its red
your rest periods are usualy less than 1 minute
you dont train biceps or chest for fear of the muscles getting in the way of the bar
you feel comfortable wearing tights and shoes with a heel
anything over a triple is a high-rep workout.
you are capable of instantly dividing or multiplying any weight by 2.2.
your traps 'stand out like some alien parasite.' [Props to anyone who knows where that soundbyte comes from]
when your thumbs feel no pain
When somebody asks you a question to which you don't know the answer, you shrug your shoulder violently and get up on your toes doing a full extension.
Oh and the classic, bloody shins if you set up wrong and almost take off your kneecaps.
Your average training session takes over an hour and a half for 75 reps.
whenever you need to pick something up, you drop down into a perfect atg squat and grab it as you ride the bounce up, and then realize you're in a supermarket and quickly look around to see if anyone noticed.
on the way back to the car, you hook grip your grocery bags
you can spend 45 minutes lifting, yet have a total time under tension of less than 90 seconds.
When people tell you how much they can bench, you immeditly wonder if you can jerk that.
When people tell you how much they can deadlift, you immediatly wonder if you can clean that.
you can say snatch or jerk with a straight face
your idea of an awesome gym is a flat surface, rubber weights, and a metal bar.
you would rather add 5kg to your squat PR than 10kg to your bench
When you go to catch something you drop into a full squat
When you hear the word 'snatch' the first thing you think of is the lift
You read crazy weightlifting books that are as confusing as a math textbooks
You get excited when a new pair of weightlifting shoes comes out
You do insane squat programs that most think is impossible even with drugs
You are sick of converting everything to pounds even though you can do it in 5 seconds. Because its supposed to be kilos damnit!
People tell you how much they bench and you immediately figure out if you can jerk it.
You watch others at your gym squat the same thing you squat in kilos in pounds and only go a quarter of the way down. I mean who does that?
You have an ass...
You know what traps are and have a hell of a set
You cant find a pair of jeans in any normal shop to fit you because you cant get them past your legs!
When....your talking with your friends saying...
"I use R&B rubbers and Eleikos, what kind do you train with?
Benching has suddenly lost its appeal to you.
You can only shake your head when watching non-o-lifters do cleans in a gym.
You can ATG back squat what most people can leg press.
You work out everyday but never feel sore.
You can say 'clean and jerk' and 'snatch' to shocked people with a straight face.
A guy has attempted to open a flirtatious conversation by asking how much you weigh.
when you don't care about bench press
when walk up a set of stair 2 steps at a time
you don't have any of your old jeans because you broke them.
when you check if the regular gym bars can spin.
when your mom tells you your butt is growing too big.
your Assistance Exercises include curls and bench press.
you have a broom stick without sweeper in your living room.
You think it's a compliment if someone calls you a "jerk".
When somebody asks how your girlfriend's snatch is, you answer, "Not as good as her Clean".
You chalk up before grabbing the steering wheel of your car, with a hook grip naturally
Your non-lifting friends just assume you have a thing going for eastern european men
You look like an average gym goer in reverse: all legs and no arms or chest
You get pissy if anybody comes within 25 yards of your lifting area
Your warmup looks like a ballet routine
You lift with an empty bar and still think you're hardcore
You keep track of your bodyweight to 3 decimal places, 3 times a day
You do 10 sets of squats 3 times a week, and wonder why your lifts aren't going up
Any time you miss a lift you know *exactly* why, and it's never simply because you're not strong enough.
You're a olympic weightlifter when you use the hook grip when you masturbate
After completing a full snatch in a commercial gym (before getting kicked out) someone asks, "what muscle does that work?" and you reply, "all of them."
You've been hand picked from childhood to train for your communist country's Weightlifting team because of your limb proportions, wrist circumference, and athletic performance.
You can run a 20 yard dash faster than any Olympic Track Athlete.
You're not American in any way.
You're a test subject for Vladimir Zatsiorsky
Your Squat Clean is roughly 60% of your Deadlift
You train at a weightlifting club. There are no cardio machines. There are no football players doing shitty power cleans that are really more of a back extension/ultra wide 1/16th front squat/reverse curl than they are a hip movement. There is no one wearing basketball shoes in your gym.
You go to competitions.
Your clean and jerk routine does not involve your penis.
When you think maxing out is piece of cake compared to a regular workout.
If you do lower back work more than once a week
If training lower back every workout is not "overtraining"
If you don't have a back injury from
Rows
Squats
Deads
If you believe a seat in a gym is for resting between sets rather than a place to do your set.
if you cant make it back to the locker room after your squat day..
if when you done with deadlifts your hand calluses look like old vagina's..
You leave the gym not quite sure how you got chalk in your hair and on the back of your top
When you never feel as manly as when you're in a tight suit with high heels.
People know you've been scratching your dick due to the huge chalk mark on your crotch
you look for spandex shorts to keep your dick/balls tucked back to avoid them getting upper-cutted by the bar
you grow a patch of chin hair under your chin to "pad" it when the bar inevitably smkoes it on the way up during the dizzy 3rd rep of a jerk set
You lacquer your thumb nail in class/work/public to keep it from gettng broken
instead of pick-up basketball you and your friends have ad-hoc box jumping competitions and hurdle jumping races
There is only one place in town you can train properly at
If you compete in olympic lifting meets, then you ARE an olympic weightlifter.
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